Thursday, January 16, 2014

The Waiting Game...

So now it was back to waiting,,, waiting for results from the fertility tests, waiting to see if pregnancy would occur in the meantime... waiting for a sign?

At the time I was working in quite a high pressure job. I had spent my working career climbing the "creative/corporate" ladder to become an "Fashion Account Manager" designing and selling Accessories for a design company (which supplied large retail chains such as Target, Big W and Kmart). I managed a two million dollar account, was able to travel overseas once or twice a year for work and earned a very comfortable wage. The down side was the stress... and considering we were trying very hard for a baby (which didn't seem to be happening) I started to consider whether my job might not have been helping the situation.

I also felt like I wasn't "following my heart" (Ive never been big on "wishy washy" speak like this) but I had to admit that pregnancy, to a degree, was out of my control and I needed to look at all aspects of my life for possible influences both physically and mentally.

So one insomniactic night in May 2013 in a desperate attempt for answers, direction and meaning... I googled the movie "The Secret" and watched it at 3am (I know cringe, slightly embarrassed to be admitting that). Then I sat on my lounge room floor and meditated (at now past 4am). What I wanted was a baby, it needed to become my priority, I decided then and there to quit my job that very day.
Like a robot on mission (a slightly unhinged emotional robot) I went to work, typed my resignation letter and made a meeting with my boss. I explained my reasons with complete honesty, I cried, she cried and I gave a lengthy 3 month notice.

With that weight off my shoulders & mind I started to think about my next adventure.

6 weeks later I flew to sydney for the day with a colleague to hand over a large account with Big W. The day started super early, multiple coffee's followed, plane trip, car trip, meetings, car trip, plane trip (happy hour, a few complimentary bevvies were consumed) finally making it home around 11pm. I was thinking about pouring myself another glass of wine... but instead something prompted me to do a pregnancy test... my period was 4 days late (which was not unusual for me at all, regular cycles had never been my thing). I knew that testing was "optimal" in the morning... but I was sick of waiting! (plus, I was sure it wasn't going to show anything). But, Very slowly, a very dull second line appeared in the window... my heart started to pump a little faster, adrenaline raced thru my veins, I felt a little sick... okay maybe it wast time for another glass of wine.

I called Andee into the bathroom and waved the test in front of him, he looked at me in disbelief, was I joking? an apprehensive smile crossed his face, a sense of relief that all our efforts were not in vain. A hug, a kiss, with slightly teary eyes we jumped up and down. Andee's sensible rational thoughts kicked in,,, he didn't want me to get my hopes up, just in case.

(very slowly the 2 lines got darker over the next 2 days, I tucked these precious tests into the front of our wedding photo)
(I had to do 5, to be sure, to be sure...)
(below; picture wall in our bedroom, wedding photo with pregnancy tests still hangs on the wall)

One waiting game was over, and another began. The wait for the doctors to confirm a positive result, the wait for the "all clear" at the 3 month scan and of course the 9 month wait for the big "Arrival Day!!" FRANKLY, I COULDN'T WAIT!

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