Tuesday, January 28, 2014

21 weeks scan, Its a ...

So we had decided to find out the sex of our "bean" at the 21 week scan. Both my husband and I really wanted a girl. For me I had just always wanted to have a girl. It was probably the idea of playing cutesy dress ups (like a "real grown ups" version of playing dolls) combined with having your own "mini me". It also seemed like it would complete the journey of being a "real woman", having your own daughter. I know all of those reasons seem a bit shallow and superficial... but if I am being completely honest that is just how I felt. Of course first and foremost a healthy happy baby is the most important thing.

In our family there is only 1 boy cousin on either side. So perhaps another aspect was the familiarity with seeing lots of baby girls growing up. Whatever the reason I was dead set on having a baby girl.
We arrived at the scan early, waited for our name to be called and headed on thru to the dark little scan room. This time around I actually had a considerable belly bump and all the pushing a prodding of the scan wand was most uncomfortable. At the 21 week scan the Sonographer is checking and measuring all the vital organs and the scan takes around 45 minutes to an hour to complete. As he talked us thru each organ he was checking I found myself holding my breath until the all clear was given. They are checking things like organ size, blood flow and scanning for defects. You start to realise how delicate this little being is and how many things can go wrong... it truly is amazing that we can grow humans inside of us!

After about 30 minutes the Sonographer asked us the BIG question of the moment...

Sonographer: Do you want to find out the sex?
Me: YES! PLEASE! I thought you'd never ask
Sonographer: Do you have any predictions? or preferences?
Me: We would both prefer to have a girl... but in the last week or so I really feel like its a boy...
Sonographer: okay last bids, what is it going to be?
Me: Boy
Andee: I may as well bid opposite, Girl
Sonographer: Okay... lets have a look (he held the scan wand sitting just above the babies groin region and pushed in closer so the area came into full view) Your havingggggg...... A BOY


Andee and I look at each other, tears well up in my eyes, we both don't know what to say.


A tear starts to roll down my cheek... I feel awful, I shouldn't be crying, I should be happy that he is healthy. I feel embarrassed and silly for being upset. 
Andee: Next time... we will have a girl next time
The poor Sonographer moves on to checking the rest of the things on his list. There is an awkward tension in the room. Andee squeezes my hand for support and I try to hold back the tears running down my face. The sonographer asked me to go out to the toilet for a quick wee break and a little walk around. He needs to see if the babies bladder is filling up and emptying the amniotic fluid and sometimes doing these activities will speed this process along. I head out to the hospital toilet with Andee following me. As soon as the toilet door is locked behind me and I am alone, I sob and sob and sob and sob to myself. I feel awful that I feel sad, I feel terrible to the baby (please don't listen baby, I will get over this and I will adore you and I will look back on this moment and think how silly I was). But for that moment I just had to let it out. I wanted to share this story because it was true and raw emotions, it wasn't something I was proud of, or that I expected to feel, but it was real and that's life.
The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, the sad, the funny, the bliss and the pain... Life.

It took me about 24 hours to adjust to the news and another week or so to really not mind and then probably another few weeks to start to get really excited about having a little boy. I had to replace those pre-conceived girly dreams of dress ups, doll houses, barbies and shopping with lego, trucks, bikes, insect collecting and tree climbing. Yes I am being a little overly presumptuous about "gender" orientated games (more than happy to play barbies with my son if he wants :) ).

So that was that, we were having a little boy. I packed away all the pink and girly items I had collected along the years and pulled out the boy items. I started to think about colours and the nursery design. Plus we instantly narrowed down the names list by 50%!!

Here is the second peak at our little man on the 3D scan this time...

A little glimpse of our mini man
 Cute little button nose!

Now it was time to get busy designing the nursery. This is where I feel most comfortable, designing, researching, colour palette's and inspiration boards, FUN!

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